ZEITGEIST RULES #4

• NEW RULE - ANNA HAZARE AND HIS CIVIC SOCIETY TEAM SHOULD STOP DEMANDING THAT THE DRAFTING PROCESS OF THE LOKPAL BILL BE TELEVISED. I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF A DEMAND IT THAT ANYWAY? I AM ALL FOR TRANSPARENCY, BUT THERE IS A LOT OF HARD TALK AND GROUND REALITIES THAT NEED TO BE DISCUSSED DURING THE DRAFTING OF SUCH A BILL, AND IF YOU ARE GOING TO PUT THE GOVERNMENT MEMBERS ON THE SPOTLIGHT WHERE THEY HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT ALL THE TIME (KNOWING HOW NEGATIVE AND TRP DESPERATE OUR TELEVISION MEDIA IS - THEY WOULDN'T RISK OTHERWISE); YOU ARE GOING TO LAND UP WITH A BAD BILL. WHICH IS WHY YOU DON'T PIN A BUTTON SIZED CAMERA TO THE PRIME MINISTER'S KURTA WHEN HE MEETS GILANI OR OBAMA.YOU GIVE THEM THEIR SPACE TO DISCUSS THEIR ISSUES TACTFULLY AND WAIT FOR THE PRESS CONFERENCE TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS DISCUSSED. LIKE CIVILIZED PEOPLE.

• NEW RULE - STOP FEELING SO HAPPY THAT WE ARE THE SECOND FASTEST GROWING COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. GROSS DOMESTIC PRODUCT IS NOT A TRUE INDICATOR OF WELLNESS AND GROWTH WITHIN A SOCIETY. TAKE FOR EXAMPLE THE HEALTHCARE INDUSTRY - THE MORE YOU SPEND ON HEALTHCARE, MORE THE RISE IN OUR GDP. BUT DOESN'T MORE SPENDINGS ON HEALTHCARE MEAN THAT WE ARE MORE UNWELL THAN BEFORE? IS THAT REALLY GROWTH? OR IF A MILLIONAIRE DOUBLES HIS PROFIT AND THE PEOPLE ON THE STREETS CONTINUE TO STARVE TO DEATH - IS THAT INCREASED WELLNESS OF A COUNTRY? GDP NUMBERS DON'T INDICATE THE TRUE PROGRESS OF A NATION. NUMBERS LIKE INFANT MORTALITY RATES, SUICIDES RATES, LITERACY RATES, POVERTY LINE RATES, EMPLOYMENT RATES ETC. SHOW THE REAL PROGRESS OF A COUNTRY. IMPROVEMENT IN THESE RATES, WOULD CONVINCE ME THAT WE ARE GROWING AS A NATION, NOT THE GDP NUMBERS.

• NEW RULE - DON'T CALL THE NEW GOVERNMENT GUIDELINES THAT PROHIBIT CYBER CAFE CUSTOMERS FROM ACCESSING PORNOGRAPHIC WEBSITES UNCONSTITUTIONAL. TODAY - NEW GUIDELINES FOR CYBER CAFE OWNERS WERE ANNOUNCED THAT REQUIRE THEM TO "TELL USERS" NOT TO SURF WEBSITES THAT CONTAIN "PORNOGRAPHIC OR OBSCENE MATERIAL" AND TO NOT BUILD CUBICAL'S OF MORE THAN 4 AND A HALF FEET. AND WITHIN MINUTES - THERE WERE STRONG RESPONSES FROM "EXPERTS" CONTESTING THAT WATCHING PORN IS NOT ILLEGAL AND THAT THE NEW GUIDELINES WERE UNCONSTITUTIONAL. UNCONSTITUTIONAL? SERIOUSLY? I THOUGHT THESE WERE THE BASIC MANNERS REQUIRED IN A CIVILIZED SOCIETY - BE COURTEOUS, RESPECT THE ELDERLY AND DON'T JACK-OFF IN PUBLIC PLACES. I MEAN IS THAT REALLY THAT MUCH TO ASK? OR WOULD YOU RATHER PREFER DROPPING IN TO A CYBER CAFE TO CHECK AN IMPORTANT MAIL AND FINDING YOUR SEAT CUSHION UNUSUALLY STARCHY AND STIFF? I MEAN C'MON. WE SHOULDN'T EVEN NEED A LAW FOR SOMETHING AS FUNDAMENTAL AS THIS. THINK OF THE HYGIENE FACTOR HERE. SURE, IT'S NOT ILLEGAL TO WATCH PORN. WELL, NEITHER IS SMOKING; BUT IT IS ILLEGAL TO SMOKE IN PUBLIC PLACES LIKE THEATERS, BARS, RESTAURANTS, CYBER CAFES AND THERE'S NOTHING UNCONSTITUTIONAL ABOUT THAT. SO IF YOU WANT TO WATCH PORN, FEEL FREE TO DO SO IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR HOME. JUST DON'T WHITE WASH THE KEYBOARD AND MOUSE THAT A HUNDRED OTHER PEOPLE ARE GOING TO USE DURING THE DAY. 

ZEITGEIST RULES #3

• NEW RULE - CHETAN BHAGAT SHOULD STICK TO WRITING HIS UNIMAGINATIVE, UNINTELLECTUAL, SUBSTANCE LACKING, PLEASE ALL BOOKS AND SPARE US HIS NEWSPAPER ARTICLES. I JUST HAPPENED TO COME ACROSS AN ARTICLE WRITTEN BY BHAGAT IN THE TIMES OF INDIA, ON THE EVE OF THE CWG OPENING CEREMONY URGING ALL INDIANS TO BOYCOTT THE GAMES DUE TO THE ONGOING SCAMS. TO PUT MATTERS STRAIGHT CHETAN - YOU ARE TO BOOKS WHAT DAVID DHAVAN IS TO MOVIES. YA SURE WE MAY GRAB ONE OF YOUR COPIES TO KILL TIME, MAYBE EVEN SMIRK AT ONE OF YOUR JOKES BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY - DON'T LET IT GIVE YOU THE IMPRESSION THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY. I AM GLAD THE MASSES DIDN'T BLINDLY FOLLOW SUCH RIDICULOUS VIEWS. I AM EVEN MORE PROUD OF ALL THE INDIAN ATHLETES WHO HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ONGOING SCAMS, WHO PLAYED THEIR HEART-OUT AND BROUGHT HOME SO MANY MEDALS AND MADE OUR COUNTRY PROUD. 

• SAY WHAT YOU WANT OF AMERICA AND ITS PEOPLE - BUT ONE THING I TRULY APPRECIATE ABOUT THEM IS THE WAY THEY EXERCISE THEIR FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND THEIR TOLERANCE OF OTHER PEOPLE'S PERSPECTIVE. LADY GAGA CAN DRESS AS MARY MAGDELINE IN HER MUSIC VIDEO AND INSULT THE BASIC FUNDAMENTALS OF CHRISTIANITY, CARTOONS SHOW JESUS IN HELL SIPPING TEA WITH SADDAM, PUBLISHED BOOKS BLAME THEIR GOVERNMENTS FOR MACRO LEVEL DECEITS AND LIES,  CONSPIRACY THEORISTS CAN CLAIM THAT 9/11 WAS PLANNED BY THEIR OWN GOVERNMENT, TALK SHOW HOSTS CAN RIDICULE PRESIDENTS AND SENATORS; AND EVEN THOUGH IT PISSES OFF A LOT OF PEOPLE -  NOT ONCE DOES ANYONE SUGGEST THE OPTION OF BANNING THESE WORKS. AND IN GUJARAT, A BOOK SUGGESTING GANDHI MAY HAVE BEEN BI-SEXUAL IS IMMEDIATELY BANNED. AS WE BECOME A MORE AND MORE GLOBAL COUNTRY - WE HAVE GOT TO START BEING MORE TOLERANT OF OTHER PEOPLE'S VIEWS, AND NOT GET OFFENDED BY OR TAKE TO HEART EACH AND EVERY SLANDER. THE MORE YOU TRY TO SUPPRESS A CLAIM - MORE THE CREDIBILITY YOU UNKNOWINGLY GRANT TO IT. 

• NEW RULE - THE TELEVISED MEDIA NEEDS TO STOP BEING SO DESPERATELY NEGATIVE AND CONDESCENDING TO EARN TRPs, AND REPORT ISSUES AS THEY ARE. EVERY TIME AN INDIAN STUDENT HAS A CONFLICT IN AUSTRALIA - IT IS TELEVISED AS BREAKING NEWS ON MY TV SCREEN. AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW - THE WHOLE COUNTRY IS FURIOUS AND WANTS "JUSTICE". BUT HOW DO WE KNOW THE INDIAN STUDENT DIDN'T DO SOMETHING WRONG? ARE ALL INDIANS ANGELS OR GODS? OR JUST BECAUSE AUSTRALIANS ARE OBNOXIOUS WITH THEIR CRICKET - WE SHOULD ASSUME THAT THEY ARE AT FAULT. AND EVEN IF IT WERE - HOW CAN WE NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THE WAY WE TREAT THE FOREIGNERS IN OUR COUNTRY, WHO HAVE TO PAY RS. 1000 TO SEE THE TAJ-MAHAL WHEREAS AN INDIAN PAYS RS. 20. EVERYBODY RIGHT FROM THE TAXI DRIVER TO THE SHOPKEEPER IS TRYING THEIR BEST TO FOOL AND MILK THEM FOR AS MUCH MONEY AS THEY CAN. IS THAT NOT RACISM? JUST YESTERDAY, IN A FIRST BY ANY FOREIGN GOVERNMENT, AUSTRALIA LAUNCHED A WEBSITE IN HINDI AIMED AT PROVIDING BETTER INFORMATION ACCESS TO FAMILIES OF  INDIAN STUDENTS IN VICTORIA. IT IS THE WORLD'S FIRST WEBSITE OF A FOREIGN GOVERNMENT IN HINDI. WHEN HAVE WE EVER DONE ANYTHING FOR THE FAMILIES OF THE FOREIGNERS IN OUR COUNTRY; AND IF A STUDENT ASSAULT ISSUE WAS TELEVISED AS BREAKING NEWS - WHY ISN'T THIS? THIS PIECE OF NEWS DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO YOUR TVs, JUST BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EARN ENOUGH TRPs. WE NEED TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE THAT THE TRUTH IS FAR FROM WHAT WE ARE TOLD. 

ZEITGEIST RULES #2

• NEW RULE - GIVE TENDULKAR THE FREAKING BHARAT RATNA. HE'S ALREADY THE HIGHEST REGARDED INDIAN IN THE EYES OF MILLIONS; NOT JUST FOR HIS UNIMAGINABLE CRICKETING TALENT BUT FOR THE WAY HE PLAYS WITH HONOUR, HUMILITY AND PERSEVERANCE. SO WHAT IF YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THE CRITERIA TO INCLUDE SPORTS AS A CATEGORY FOR CONSIDERATION FOR THE AWARD. FOR A MAN WHO ENJOYS GODLY STATUS IN THE COUNTRY, THE HONOUR OF "GEM OF INDIA" SEEMS LIKE AN UNDERSTATEMENT. 

• DEAR MR. PRIME MINISTER, WHEN YOU'RE SITTING WITH MR. GILANI AND WATCHING THE INDIA-PAK WC SEMI FINAL IN INDIA AND YOUR COUNTRY BEATS PAKISTAN AND ENTERS THE WORLD CUP FINAL - IT'S NOT CONSIDERED IMPOLITE TO CELEBRATE. GO A LITTLE CRAZY. THROW A FEW BOTTLES. ALTHOUGH IT DIDN'T GO COMPLETELY UNNOTICED THAT YOU CONTINUED TO CLAP LONG AFTER MR. GILANI HAD STOPPED - YOU ARE ALLOWED TO EXPRESS MORE EMOTION. WE ALL KNOW YOU ARE A GREAT MAN, BUT A MAN NONETHELESS; NOT A MACHINE SENT BACK IN TIME TO SAVE INDIA. 

• NEW RULE - WHEN YOU TAKE CHEER OUT OF CHEER-LEADING, ITS NOT ENTERTAINMENT ANYMORE. THE PUNE SAHARA WARRIORS MANAGEMENT SHOULD REALIZE THAT NOT EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DO HAS TO OOZE-OUT YOUR CULTURE. I MEAN LOOK AT THEM  - THE "CHEER QUEENS". I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IF THEY ARE HERE TO CHEER THE CROWD OR SELL VEGETABLES. 

ZEITGEIST RULES #1

• BJP IS OPPOSING THE GOVERNMENT IS NO LONGER NEWS AND A SIMPLE WASTE OF AIRTIME. NEWS CHANNELS DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME REPORTING IT. UNTIL WE HEAR OTHERWISE, WE WILL ASSUME IT’S WHAT THEY’RE DOING. DO REPORT TO US ON THE DAYS THEY ARE NOT OPPOSING THE GOVERNMENT.

• STOP “LIKING” YOUR OWN COMMENTS ON FACEBOOK. WHATS THE POINT? WE ALL KNOW YOU LIKE IT. YOU’RE THE ONE WHO WROTE IT. 

• WHEN SHAHID AFRIDI SAYS THE INDIAN MEDIA IN VERY NEGATIVE AND MAKES BIG DEAL OF SMALL ISSUES, AND THE NEWS CHANNELS DON’T STOP REPORTING IT FOR 3 DAYS, QUESTION HIS MOTIVES, WHEN HE SAYS HE WAS MISQUOTED – THEY RUN THE STORY OVER AGAIN WITH THE TEXT BELOW SAYING “WHERE’S THE MISQUOTE MR. AFRIDI”. THEN THEY RUN BEHIND THE PAKISTAN GOVERNMENT SOURCES TO GET THEIR REACTION; YOU ARE JUST PROVING HIS POINT. 

• AFRIDI – GIVE UP. YOU SAID YOUR WORDS BEFORE THE MATCH – THEN WE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. YOU HAD NO IDEA HOW TO DEAL WITH US. YOU LEARNED HOW TO BAT AND BOWL IN A GAME, BUT YOU DIDN’T LEARN HOW TO THINK IN A GAME. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW A CALM AND COMPOSED INNINGS IS TO BE PLAYED. THEN YOU GO BACK HOME AND PREACH HOW THE INDIANS CAN NEVER BE AS CLEAN HEARTED AS THE MUSLIMS IN PAKISTAN. WELL, UNTIL YOUR COUNTRY STOPS BEING THE HOME TO ISLAMIST EXTREMISTS AND FANATICS, ASSASINATING YOUR OWN PEOPLE WHO ASK YOUR SYSTEM TO BE MORE LIBERAL AND SENDING BRAINWASHED JEHADI’S TO MY COUNTRY TO SPREAD TERROR; UNTIL THEN MR. AFRIDI - DON’T BULLSHIT ME ABOUT THE CLEAN AND BIGHEARTEDNESS OF YOUR COUNTRYMEN. 

THE POST WORLD CUP CASH HURLING DRAMA

A GLORIOUS DAY INDEED FOR A COUNTRY OBSESSED WITH ITS CRICKET. 

AFTER 28 LONG YEARS, THE INDIAN CRICKET TEAM LIFTED THE ICC CRICKET WORLD CUP ONCE AGAIN, BEATING SRI-LANKA IN THE FINALS BY 6 WICKETS.

BUT SEPARATION OF SPORTS AND POLITICS HAS ALWAYS BEEN AN UNATTAINABLE GOAL FOR THIS COUNTRY AND AS THE WC CAME TO AN END, A NEW DRAMA WAS JUST BEGINNING.

IT STARTED WITH THE BCCI ANNOUNCING RS. 1 CRORE TO EACH PLAYER OF THE INDIAN SQUAD AND 50 LACS EACH FOR THE COACH AND THE SUPPORT STAFF.

THE NEXT DAY – THE PRESIDENT OF INDIA MS. PRATIBHA PATIL INVITED THE INDIAN CRICKET TEAM TO THE RAJ BHAVAN TO CONGRATULATE THEM ON THEIR SUCCESS.

ALSO PRESENT AT THE OCCASION – PRITHVIRAJ CHAVAN, CHIEF MINISTER OF MAHARASHTRA CONGRATULATED THE PLAYERS AND ANNOUNCED A SPECIAL REWARD OF 1 CRORE EACH FOR MAHARASHTRA PLAYERS SACHIN TENDULKAR AND ZAHEER KHAN.

CHIEF MINISTER OF DELHI, SHEILA DIXIT ANNOUNCED 2 CRORE FOR THE INDIAN CAPTAIN AND 1 CRORE EACH FOR THE 4 MEMBERS OF THE TEAM BELONGING TO DELHI.

SIMILAR ANNOUNCEMENTS FOLLOWED BY CHIEF MINISTERS AND OTHER OFFICIALS FROM PUNJAB, KARNATAKA, UTTARAKHAND, GUJARAT, HARYANA AND U.P. FOR THEIR RESPECTIVE REPRESENTATIVES IN THE INDIAN SQUAD.

THIS FRENZY OF CASH HURLING AT THE WORLD CUP CHAMPIONS DOES BRING UP A VERY INTRESTING AND DEBATABLE QUESTION.

WAS IT REALLY REQUIRED? COULD THE GOVERNMENTS HAVE PUT THE MONEY TO BETTER USE? IS CASH COMPENSATION THE ONLY WAY TO HONOUR SOMEBODY’S ACHIEVEMENTS? 


THE PLAYERS HAD ALREADY BEEN COMPENSATED GENEROUSLY BY THEIR CRICKET BOARD AS A GESTURE OF THEIR APPRECIATION. WAS IT REALLY NECESSARY FOR THE STATE GOVERNEMTS TO COME IN AND HURL MONEY AT PLAYERS BELONGING TO THEIR STATE?

WHY NOT HONOUR THEIR CONTRIBUTIONS WITH SPORTS AWARDS ALONE? IS THAT NOT HONOUR ENOUGH? WHY NOT USE THE 6 CRORES SPENT BY DELHI TO BEAUTIFY A STREET OR A PARK OR A MUSEUM OR MODERNIZE A LOCAL GOVERNMENT HOSPITAL IN THE CITY AND DEDICATE THE UPGRADE TO THE STATE PLAYERS.

JHARKHAND, REGARDED AS ONE OF THE MOST BACKWARD STATES IN THE COUNTRY WAS THE ONLY STATE TO THINK ON THESE LINES AND ANNOUNCE TO BESTOW M.S.DHONI WITH A PLOT OF LAND TO SET UP A CRICKET ACADEMY IN THE STATE. 

IF IT WERE ME IN HIS SHOES - I WOULD CONSIDER IT A BIGGER HONOR THAN RECEIVING A FEW CRORES OF COMPENSATION AS GRATITUDE. 

DON’T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE MY CRICKET AND HAVE THE UTMOST RESPECT FOR THE SQUAD AND DO BELIEVE THEY NEED TO BE HONOURED FOR THEIR CONTRIBUTION. I DO NOT QUESTION THE HONOURS BESTOWED UPON THEM. I QUESTION WHETHER MONEY IS THE ONLY WAY TO DO THAT? OR CAN WE HONOUR THEIR CONTRIBUTIONS AND MAKE OUR RESPECTIVE ASSOCIATIONS OR STATES JUST A LITTLE BIT BETTER AT THE SAME TIME?  

OVER-CAPITALISM IN PRIVATE (FOR PROFIT) HEALTHCARE ORGANIZATIONS

CALL ME A SOCIALIST, A LEFTIST,AN OBSTACLE TO PROGRESS BUT ACCORDING TO  ME NOT EVERYTHING IN THE COUNTRY HAS TO MAKE A PROFIT.

PRIVATE (FOR PROFIT) HEALTHCARE ORGANIZATIONS TO ME ARE NO MORE THAN SOULLESS VAMPIRES MAKING MONEY OF HUMAN PAIN.

NOW ONE MAY ARGUE - BUT ISN'T PROFIT MOTIVE WHAT SUSTAINS CAPITALISM?

WELL YES, IT IS! AND OUR SEX DRIVE IS WHAT SUSTAINS THE HUMAN RACE. BUT WE DON'T GO AROUND TRYING TO F@*# EVERYTHING. ITS OK FOR SOME THINGS TO REMAIN NON PROFIT

NOW IT WASN'T TOO LONG AGO THAT WHEN YOU GOT SICK, THE RAPIST LOOKING DOCTOR WOULD TOUCH YOU IN A FEW PLACES, ASK SOME QUESTIONS AND GIVE YOU THE MEDICINE. PAY HIM 100 BUCKS AND YOU WERE DONE

BUT LIKE EVERYTHING THATS GOOD AND NOBLE IN LIFE, SOME JERK DECIDED THAT HOSPITALS COULD ALSO BE BIG BUSINESS.

SO NOW THEY'RE NOT HOSPITALS ANYMORE - THEY'RE HOTELS WITH BED PANS.

SERVING NOT THOSE WHO NEED IT BUT THOSE WHO CAN AFFORD IT.

EVER BEEN TO A HOSPITAL BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PAIN IN YOUR STOMACH AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW - YOUR DOCTOR IS ASKING YOU TO GET ADMITTED FOR A DAY SO THAT THEY CAN CARRY OUT HUNDREDS OF TESTS. AND YOU STOP TO THINK - IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?

BUT YOU DON'T CHALLENGE THE AUTHORITY. NO, THE DOCTOR IS A MAN SENT BY GOD TO SAVE PEOPLE'S LIVES. HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND GREED. HE DOESN'T WORRY ABOUT HIS CAREER.

THE TRUTH IS - MORE THE PEOPLE WHO GET SICK, AND STAY SICK - THE HIGHER THE PROFIT FOR THE HOSPITALS AND HIGHER THE VARIABLE PAY FOR THE DOCTORS WHO ARE TREATING THEM.

WHEN DID MONEY BECOME THE ONLY REASON TO DO ANYTHING?

JUST LIKE AMERICA AND OTHER FIRST WORLD NATIONS ARE BEGINNING TO REALIZE, WE TOO WILL EVENTUALLY REALIZE THE PROBLEM WITH SOME SECTORS IN THIS COUNTRY IS NOT SOCIALISM, ITS THE GREED OF CAPITALISM.